


An Affront to Humanity

by Fordtato



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Backupsmore University, Ford learns the banjo, Gen, Note: He does not like the banjo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 16:28:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8063653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fordtato/pseuds/Fordtato
Summary: Ford needs to learn how to play the banjo, a device he often refers to as "Torture: The Instrument."





	

**Author's Note:**

> For the tumblr prompt: "Ford learns to play the banjo"

“Can you teach me?” Ford asked, half-hoping Fiddleford couldn’t hear him over the gentle strumming.

“What?”

“The banjo. Can you teach me how to play the banjo?”

Fiddleford stopped idly grazing the strings with his fingers and set the instrument aside, peering over a pile of textbooks thrown haphazardly across his bed at Ford, who was pointedly avoiding eye contact and crossing his arms at his desk.

Fiddleford leaned back against the wall and raised an eyebrow. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.” Ford muttered, wincing as he did so.

“You called it an _affront to humanity_.”

“It is!”

“Yes Ford. Double-down on insulting one of my many passions while asking me to help you with something. That’s how you get what you want, genius.”

“I mean—”

“If it’s so horrible, then why the hell do you want me to teach you in the first place?”

“I, well, um, uh, you see—”

“Spit it out!”

“Because Pavlov!”

That was not an answer Fiddleford had expected. “What?”

“Pavlov.”

“Ford, I heard you, but I don’t understand.”

“Pavlov rang a bell whenever his dogs were eating, and he kept that up for so long that they were conditioned them to feel hunger or impulsively go for the food whenever a bell was rang.”

Fiddleford’s eyebrow raised even higher. “We have the same Psych class, Ford. Where are you going with this?”

Ford huffed and closed the textbook at his desk, swiveling his chair around to meet Fiddleford’s eye.

“You’re Pavlov. I’m the dog.”

“I…. make you _hungry_?”

“What? _No!_ That’s ridiculous. You make me an A-student.”

Fiddleford shakes his head and stares blankly.

“…. You lost me again.”

“You know our rule, where you’re not allowed to play the banjo when I study?”

“The incredibly stupid rule, yes. I’m familiar. What of it?”

“And you know how you have literally never followed the rule once ever?”

“Yes, I’m familiar. Once again, where are you going with this?”

Ford stood and started pacing.

“Last week you went to visit your grandma.”

“Jesus, Ford, stay on _one_ topic for three seconds, please—”

“Stay with me, Fidds. Last week you went to visit your grandma. I sat down to study for our midterm—”

“The midterm’s not for three months, Ford,” Fiddleford interjected, but Ford continued, not skipping a beat.

“But I simply _couldn’t_ do it! I tried everything! I adjusted the window blinds, moved the fan, tried raising the temperature by 3 degrees! Counting periodic elements! None of the usual tactics worked! I couldn’t focus. There was only one thing missing.”

Ford turned and gave Fiddleford a meaningful look, and after a few seconds Fiddleford’s eyes widened in recognition, before he instantly fell backwards on his bed laughing.

“Oh my fucking God.”

“So you see, Fiddleford—”

“Oh my _fucking God_!”

“In case you ever leave the dorm again—”

“Oh my _Jesus_ -on-a-southern-fried- _cracker_!”

“I need to know how to play, because I can no longer study without that infernal, _disgusting_ sound.”

“I literally am _unable_ to handle this.”

Fiddleford laughed for what must have been minutes before he caught sight of Ford, standing before him, looking defeated and dejected. His laughter started to die away and he sat back up to meet Ford’s gaze.

“Please, Fiddleford.”

Fiddleford sighed and scooched to the left, patting the mattress next to him for Ford to sit down, and dropping the banjo in his lap.

“Okay, Jersey boy, let’s get started.”


End file.
